Kan’t Kope with the Kardashians anymore, K? K.

For two months last summer the Kardashian clan lived directly across the street while filming Kim and Kourtney Take New York.  Kris Humphries walked among early commuters to his work outs.  Scott Disick donned electric blue suits in my local deli.  Kim and Kourtney, never without a film crew and twenty paparazzi, purchased gum from the vendor outside my door.

Are you getting this? Walking across the street for gum. Riv.et.ing.

They were generally polite and unobtrusive neighbors and caused little distraction.  I had no complaints.  Unless you count their complete and blatant disregard for the letter C.

One could blame this on their parents, who began the K game.  Kim, the second born, was granted the only name that actually begins with K.  Kourtney isn’t too much of a stretch but as you might imagine, Khloe infuriates me.  No where in the English language do you use the ‘kh’ to make a hard ‘K’ sound.  On the other hand, ‘ch’ mimics the ‘k’ in many words such as school, chorus and character.   Not kool.

The girls took matters into their own hands when they “wrote” an autobiography entitled Kardashian Konfidential.  Since then their antics have far surpassed silly spelling mistakes into full blown ridiculousness.  Enter Kim’s nail polish line.

“I am excited to reveal my brand new nail polish collection for our Kardashian Kolors…Wel-Kim to My World!! There are six new colors, which are really feminine and flirty!”

Kolors Colors include “Kim Konfidential,”  “Here Kim’s The Sun,” “Up & Kim-ing Pink,” “Nothing Kim-pared To Blue,”  “Lights, Kim-era, Action!” and  “Others Pale By Kim-Parison.”

I don’t need to point out that all of the “puns” above involve replacing COME, COM, CUM  with the word Kim.  But I will.

Here’s the thing Kardashians.  There are thousands of words that start with the letter ‘C’.  Do you really want “your thing” to be misspelling them all with a ‘K’?  Cause it’s not kute.

The divorce has lost steam, Kourtney and Scott are settling in for baby #2, Khloe and Lamar are back in LA.  I really thought we might get a break from these people.

Boy, I was I wrong.  E! is shelling out $40 million dollars for three new seasons.

Am I the ONLY one out there that wants to see this house of Kards (totally the title of the future unauthorized biography) fall?!?!

Behold. That ass. It's impressive. Now can we please move on???

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12 thoughts on “Kan’t Kope with the Kardashians anymore, K? K.

  1. With foolish optimism, I thought this would be the final year of the Kardashians. Especially after all the bad press from Kim’s divorce, I was sure (well, hoping really) that the 15 minutes were about up for these folks….but no. Didn’t the E Channel see that petition everyone signed to make these people go away? I will give them props for being money making machines, I think they will put their name and ridiculous misspellings on anything for a dollar but I’ve heard and seen enough.
    I love your post, totally made me laugh. I can’t imagine them living across the street and I didn’t even know about the nail polish line. What a katastrophe! (see what I did there – lol!)

    • Exactly. Insanely I thought she might even WANT a little privacy after that Hump thing blew up the way it did. I guess she has a short memory…I hear the next season airs next month.

      (PS – your comment was hysterical!)

  2. Those colors CANNOT be real. Others Pale by Kim-Parison?? My brain is bleeding.
    I can’t believe E! is paying for more Kardashian crap. I’m just glad Lamar Odom sucks and the Mavs are kicking his ass to the curb so I won’t have to watch anymore local news features about Kardashian sightings in Dallas.
    Oh, and yes. That ass. I’m slightly jealous, but then I remember how obnoxious the person attached to it is

  3. I love that you (1) got a pic of her ass and (2) posted it. What’s with the weird white hat? Anyway, I bet she’s wearing Spanx. What’s the brother’s name? Does it start with a K? Those nail colors make me want to give myself that torture treatment where you stick bamboo under your nails. What idiocy. And, our TV is always set to the Kardashians (when I sit down to watch the History Channel) b/c my nanny LOVES IT. Can’t get enough. What must she think of Americans?
    Great post.

  4. This is just strange. Kim leaves the house to buy gum in the exact same outfit I buy gum in! Kan you believe it?

    Thank. You. I loved you before, but I really love you now – the hype that surrounds these people should be unbearable for all involved – I’m just sorry they’re so close to you guys.

    John got excited last night when Discovery channel announced Python Hunters was coming on next (I was super excited. I brushed my teeth for bed). All I thought was, really, Python Hunters? And then I realized, of course, Kim Kardashian is keeping them in business!

  5. Three new seasons? Three new season? That was what I was chanting as I walked through the house and I heard in on the TV. I just have assistant jealousy. I just want my own show so I can get an assistant to yell, “Yes, Dear” when my kids scream, “MOM!!!” so I don’t have to strain my voice with, “WHAT NOW?!” Then if you get your own show for a second year…SECOND ASSISTANT!!!!! Then I would have someone to do my laundry. Shhhhh…it is an all encompassing assistant position and one day she may earn “assistant #1” but for now get yourself a latte and park your butt in the laundry room…FOR-EV-VER. That is why these shows get watched. Middle aged women who think, “I could behave really badly if it meant I would get a show with assistants. What does Bethany have that I don’t have (a lot) and my parents might be more screwed up than hers. I want an assistant!” If I could just get five minutes with KING ANDY on Bravo I know I would have an assistant, I mean show. K?

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