Nevermind that noise, it’s just my ovaries whining.

Ladies (and the three men that are obligated to read this by marriage or blood) — listen up!  I am in desperate need of your help.   You see, it’s May!

[you nod in confused agreement].

What’s so special about May?  You mean, you don’t know??

May is THE month I get pregnant.  Every other year.

Let’s recap:

May 2008 – after nearly a year of trying, May was the magic month.  That year I shocked the hell out of surprised my husband on Father’s Day by making him breakfast and breaking the news (no, I’m not sure which shocked him more).

May 2010 – armed with the confusion that it took nearly a year to conceive our first, we decided to let nature take its course when I stopped nursing just a few short weeks before.   And a few short weeks later my 15 month old had the positive pregnancy test in his mouth (I was too shocked to grab it away after it dropped from my stunned hand).

So here we are, May 2012.  The kids are sleeping wonderfully (finally).  Ian and I are going on a Caribbean vacation.  Alone (as in no kids).   And I just held the 7 day old baby of one of my best friends (I loved every second of it).  My uterus is feeling kinda lonely…

Come and play with me, I'm a harmless plush uterus!

WAIT, WAIT.  This is craziness!  We cannot have any more children!  Why? you ask.  Well for starters:

1.  I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum.  Which might just sound like the worst morning sickness ever, but in reality it involves vomiting that scares small children, hospital stays, IVs, threat of miscarriage and generally complete incapacitation.

2.  We live in NYC and are not in the 1%.  Which means the third child will have to sleep in the sink until it’s old enough to move out.

3.  I love sleep.

4.  I need sleep.

5. I finally get to sleep.

This isn't me, but I am sure I look that adorable when I'm rested

What’s that?  Those aren’t good enough reasons?  The joys of motherhood far outweigh these minor details?

Ok, well here are my top five reasons that we should have another child (ranked in order from the most important to the most shallow):

1.  Boobs.

2.  The first time I delivered I almost died, the second time I delivered was the most life-affirming moment I could imagine and now I’m curious what a third February due date would hold.

3.  No periods for another two years.

4.  Because I’m obsessed with baby names.

5.  We have one kid that is my mini-me and another that is my husband’s clone.  What would the in between mix look like?

As you can see, I’m not fit to be a parent to the two I already have, so we can all agree a third is out.  Right?

[please say RIGHT loud enough for my ovaries to hear you]

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33 thoughts on “Nevermind that noise, it’s just my ovaries whining.

  1. Me, too!! My girls were conceived in May/June. I also get horrible morning sickness. We also don’t really have the money or wherewithal for another baby. And I am also obsessing over having another baby.

    It’s definitely not happening for us right now. I have an IUD making decisions for me. But, maybe. Next year? Maybe? Probably not. But maybe?

  2. Do your readers get to vote? I would like another baby. If you do it maybe my ovaries will shut it. I too am obsessed with baby names and sleep, and those two cut two different ways. I actually can’t have a third because I am a middle child…. I could not do that to Simon. Do it!!!!!

  3. Um, I only have one so far and I already feel myself wanting three. And I REALLY want another one ASAP, but I keep telling myself that I can’t be pregnant when I come to NYC alone for BlogHer’12. Either way, I’m clearly no help.

  4. You are really on the fence. When my daughter was around nine months and I had one of those pregnancy “scares,” as in I thought for a few freak hours that I could possibly be pregnant and even dished out money to buy a home pregnancy test, I pretty much knew that I was done. I have never changed my mind now six years later. When you know, you know.

  5. I already voted when you shared the CH birth story. I said: Between both your birth stories I think a # 3 is a must…cuz come on, it couldn’t get any nuttier…and they say third time’s the charm!!!

    I know, I know you had a rebuttal then that the first time you almost died and the second you felt so alive that your extremes probably meant no good scenario for baby #3.

    BUT…I am still sticking to my theory that maybe half way between death and extra alive is “just chillin”…watch some TV and the baby pops out.

    I still think that possibility makes it sound like a very good idea. But, feel free to cover up your uterus’ ears if you disagree!

  6. With three you and Ian will be outnumbered. No more divide and conquer. And though I had the same pangs, I’ve gotten over it.
    And that is also why I only bought a three bedroom house. So I can’t have anymore.
    And feel much less guilty when Teak does bath and bedtime for two kids while I’m out with the girls (or am shopping at Target blissfully alone instead). With three, I would never be able to leave!

  7. I feel you. Sonia is only 7 months, but she is getting to that awesome stage where I’m like, man I could really see having another one someday (read: not soon). Then, there’s the other side where I’m terrified that I’m going to get pregnant even though I have an IUD and a less than 1% chance of that happening.

    Babies. Once you have them, they consume your life. Even the ones you’ve yet to have or may never have consume your life.

    Oh, and like you, my next child (should he or she exist) will have to sleep in the sink because yeah. So not living in the 1% down here.

  8. One reason not to have another (not that I should be saying this since I still vote yes) is that if you have a 3rd they say that any number over 3 si all the same. As the story goes, if you have 3, you might as well have 4, 5, etc. I have a brother/sister with 4 that say this is 100% true. Big difference between 2 and 3…no difference between 3 and 4.

    So, my point is…if you have 3 you may not quench the thirst…and then there will no longer be ANY common sense reasons not to keep going. So, you may never stop…it coudl be mayhem!

  9. I am right there with ya. I have a beautiful little girl and baby boy. Isn’t that enough for me? I really can’t say if we will have a third, but I think about it a lot. I always thought I only wanted two and now I’m confused. I loved being pregnant. I loved giving birth. I also love SLEEP and the fact that after 5 years my breasts are finally mine again.

    Oh and I would probably set up our third in the bath tub. 😉

  10. Oh my…I love babies and kids but do not love being pregnant. I had hyperemesis gravidarum as well, right along with the hospital visits, IVs, etc. I honestly do want another child but I want it Angelina and Brad style – by adoption! Haha! I totally understand your reasons, for and against. The hormones can be a powerful thing plus the mommy memory loss that helps us forget some of the bad stuff….Yikes! For now, hope you get to enjoy your sleep, so glad the kids are cooperating!

    • There are no real reasons for, it’s all part of nature’s cruel joke! I like the Brangie way, though I am certain they don’t let you adopt if you say you are going to keep them in the kitchen sink.

  11. Shh, be careful, they’ll here you… who, you say? Why, the forces that appear to be dropping pregnancy dust on every blogger out there… but me :(
    Seriously, I cant stand to lose another quality blogger to the dark side. The boobs are nice and all, I totally agree with that, but sleep totally wins out.

  12. I can say Sully actually doesn’t mind sleeping in the sink too much – it’s like a bed and bath … 😉

    Well lady. I’m not going to help you too much. You’re obviously a wonderful mama, and I totally get holding a baby and thinking – hey – I remember this, this is soft and cozy, and then thinking – hey – I remember this, this comes with a pump and insane sleep deprivation, right? You definitely picked the right top 5 for consideration. If you do a top 5 “why yes post,” please include baby smell. Aww damn you. Now I miss baby smell. I’m signing off before this gets dangerous.

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