My Tasmanian Devil baby

Daughter /ˈdôtər/.  Noun: a female offspring, known to produce excessive gray hairs and worry wrinkles, and inspire nightmares on a regular basis FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Yep, that’s my daughter.

At the playground, she doesn’t seem to understand that she can’t just waltz off a 2 foot step.

This won’t result in a concussion, right?

To make matters worse, after discovering this spin-ny thing at our new playground she’s pretty sure she can fly.

Pure unadulterated joy

She’s not much better in the house either.  Since she first learned to crawl she can’t pass by an outlet without sticking her finger in it.

And now that she is older and so much wiser, she loves to pull those plastic covers out…and put them back in.  Over and over.

So much for baby-proofing. Do they have a ‘Chloe-proofing’ aisle at Target?

Basically, she’s always looking for trouble.

Don’t mind me, nothing to see here.

And when she finds it, it’s serious stuff – like poisonous chemicals, risk of electrocution or serious head trauma (see above for photographic evidence). So I scold her in my “I’m-so-serious-my-voice-is-three-octaves-lower-DO-NOT-TOUCH-THAT-EVER-AGAIN” tone.  It’s so potent my 3 year-old in the other room starts whimpering from the ferocity of my voice.  But Chloe?  This is her reaction:

“Awww, come on mom! Lighten up.”                     Then she pokes me in the eye or sticks her finger up my nose.  I’m not kidding.

I know she loves me, yet most of her daily effort seems to be directed towards ensuring my early demise.

What am I supposed to do with this child?  I cannot find a copy of “What to Expect When You’re Child is the Tasmanian Devil” anywhere.

According to Wikipedia, the animal by the same name will “eat household products if humans are living nearby.” I wonder if he enjoys lemon scented pledge as much as Chloe would.

 

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12 thoughts on “My Tasmanian Devil baby

    • I am thankful that she’s a handful – I couldn’t imagine raising a shrinking violet. But I also know what she’s up against. In the end, I’d rather have it this way. Tell me what age it gets easier?? (please lie if necessary).

  1. Oh my, I needed to read this today! I think your Chloe and my Max are long-lost twins. I thought he was the only one who delighted in yanking those damn outlet covers out and trying to fly. Repeatedly. It’s amazing what no sense of cause/effect can do! And what is the appropriate response when they just don’t.give.a.fuck??? I’m losing my mind over here…so I guess I’m glad that you are too 😉

    • I am losing my mind! Also still losing my shit over your letter to Max’s teachers. I feel like Max has earned the right to fly!! Ok, ok, I know that’s not the point but it was a great post.

      Only hormones could make you love something that tries to drive you insane on a regular basis!

  2. Oh my gosh, she’s SO beautiful and so curious and fearless! What a great combination – but maybe just not at this age, haha! It would be turning me gray as well! I don’t know what to say about the outlet covers, it’s like once they figure out how to get around or dismantle something, it’s all over….Lou wants to take everything apart and see how things work but he’s also so emotional, the super serious voice works wonders. It’s still a challenge and keeps us watching him like a hawk! These pictures are so good! Hope you are liking your new place and new neighborhood, that playground looks awesome :)

    • You are so right! It’s a perfect combination and one I should cherish in a daughter. It just makes the logistics a little harder! I wanted to keep my son out of school forever but I am thinking she is going to need it sooner rather than later. She needs the help of someone with a master’s degree in childhood education!

  3. My son has pulled the socket plug thingies out, and shocked himself. He’s also ingested a bottle of eyedrops (ER visit), and fallen four feet and landed on his stomach on an upside down stool. I don’t have any answers, though, or I would have been able to prevent my own kid from doing this crap!

  4. I met a mom who said she never had to child proof her house for her 2 kids. I think I just stared back. Bobby broke through every lock. We have lock remnants on every type of furniture (antique oven included). Ella never touched any of them! Bobby out grew it by about 2.5, just lost interest. Of course, that is the exact age that Ella was born so maybe other things interested him!

    • I got lucky with the first one (never baby proofed a single thing). Although for all my baby-proofing with C, she manages to get around it anyhow. In our new apartment she is obsessed with the stove. Can’t wait to get gassed out!

  5. My girls like to count to three and then leap from whatever elevated surface they can find. It’s like a game of frisbee where when you don’t make the catch, you win a trip to the ER. I never thought “one… two… threeeeeee” would be so scary.

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