Don’t worry, the bible confuses me too Kimmie.

Ugh.

The novelty of the new apartment and new playgrounds has worn off and the kids are screaming for routine.  No one is sleeping, everything feels strange.  The heat is suffocating.  So I am stumbling through day by day, trying to figure it all out.

Here’s one lesson from this morning:  when your 3-year-old wakes up with a stiff neck so bad he can’t move without crying out in excruciating pain, try a little Icy Hot.  That intense, alarming, completely foreign sensation will make him actually crawl out of his skin.  Exorcism completed.  Problem solved.  You’re welcome.

In other Bible news, I’ll leave you with a wonderful story I heard recently.

Close your eyes.  Picture it. 

The late 1st century BC a young woman by the name of Mary married a man named Joseph at the age of 12 and accompanied him to Bethlehem.  They later divorced.  She engaged in sexual intercourse many times with multiple partners from the age of 14 to 31.  Some of these encounters were filmed and viewed by millions of people around the world.

At the age of 40 when Mary decided she wanted to have a child, she slept all night outside, waiting patiently for an opening at the local fertility clinic.  Once admitted, she was artificially inseminated.  Thus was conceived the baby Jesus.

This is the Gospel according to Kim Kardashian.

Praise to you Lord Jesus Christ.

 

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12 thoughts on “Don’t worry, the bible confuses me too Kimmie.

  1. I had not heard about this with Kim K….and now that I’ve read the article, I have no words. LOL! I don’t know if it’s possible for her to get any dumber. Oh my….
    I hope the little ones are settled in soon and things calm down for you. And that everyone gets some sleep – very important! It is SO hot and humid here as well, I really love fall and winter but this humidity, not so much. I have to remember about Icy Hot, poor little guy :)

    • It’s serious, she is delusional and confused. So thrilled at the level of her influence. . .

      The day is already getting better. The only good thing about it being summer and the oppressive heat is the city is empty. No bullies or chaos to worry about!

  2. Wtf?????? Your writing is on fire. Loving it. And hope you settle soon. I can’t even bring myself to comment on K. Let’s just talk about you. Great post.

    • Thank you! You know those days when you think you have nothing left to give? That’s when my rapier wit and thick sarcasm collide to produce a morning nap post that will surely make me laugh tonight, if we all get through the day alive. Glad you enjoyed!

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