Aspiring Mom-ager

Yesterday we had a long day of playing outside; running through sprinklers and swimming in the pool to beat the excruciating heat.  After bath time, Chloe sat on the couch in her diaper, sucking her thumb next to me.  I cuddled her closer, taking in the scent of chlorine and soap that lingered on her baby fine hair.

As I looked down at her sweetly, I thought, “she could be a model.”

Mom thinks daughter is beautiful.  So what?  Something in my gut warned that this thought came from a seedy place.

I listened as the inner dialogue continued.

“Those lips, that skin, those eyes. She is gorgeous.”

“It’s good that she hasn’t lengthened out to the full toddler look yet.  And with that bald head…”

(in unison) “…she could totally win younger roles.”

 

Brilliant idea coming…

Screw the law, screw writing, that conversation makes me think I’ve got what it takes to exploit manage the natural talents of my baby girl!

To prove it, I reveal my most recent to-do list:

1.  Change her name to Khloe just so I can say, “yes, that’s Chloe with a K.  She’s an aspiring Kardashian!!”

2.  While dancing to her favorite song, remind her to “make eye contact with the judges, um, grandma.”

3.  Admit she already thinks this is a real lullaby:  “Twinkle twinkle you’re a star, how I wonder what new car, I will buy with all the dough, we rake in from your one-baby show.”

Twinkle, twinkle sex tape star…wait, that’s a different version.

4.  Express my outrage over the gap between Toddlers and Tiaras and 16 & Pregnant.  What’s she supposed to do between the pageants and teen pregnancy?

5.  Start calling now to secure sponsors for her 2nd birthday party.  #1 on the list?  Elmo Neil Lane (after five shameless seasons of the Bachelor, he has to be close to this right?).

6.  To ensure #5 happens, work on a pitch for “My Super Sweet Second Birthday” featuring the big reveal of her final gift:  a mini motorized Mercedes.

Image courtesy of gelandism.blogspot.com.
Exploitation idea, all mine.

7.  Replace the milk in her bottles with Red Bull so she can power through the long and grueling audition days.

8.  On my speed dial:  the entire TMZ directory.

9.  Pad her diapers in the back.

10. Rejoice at my baby’s baldness because it means she can book jobs for infants.  √

Oh, and how about the photos that followed?

Crawling, genius! You look not a day older than 8 months!

Yes! Love the doe-eyed look!

I know I have some big Louboutins to fill (*cough* Kris Jenner), but do you think I have what it takes to be a star mom-ager??

 

It’s almost wrong to joke about that face.

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19 thoughts on “Aspiring Mom-ager

  1. Oh my God. So timely – someone wrote me this week and said, “Your boys should model. Have you thought about that?” And I said yup. And nope. John said someone else told him this week and he said, think college fund. And I said that we can wait and see if we’ve screwed them up enough on our own, or if we need to push it a bit if we find they’re still normal at age 7. ;) What. A. Cutie. Pie. you have. Great work mom and dad! (I’m hoping this post has no typos. My husband’s been away on business all week. I’ve committed parenting neglect while trying to get makeup on in the morning and woke up at 2:00 a.m. last night and haven’t slept yet due to the whole night terror repeat thing – if it doesn’t make sense, please send a babysitter to Iowa ASAP).

  2. Yes. You can be like beyonce’s daddy! It’s actually refreshing to see someone madly in love with her baby. The pendulum is so far on the other side these days– I also know you are honest and joking about the exploitation so it’s funny and touching. My favorite.

    • I don’t know, Beyonce and her dad had a huge falling out. Though I guess it had more to do with his long term affair and other child conceived while married to Tina and less to do with his managerial skills.

  3. “Twinkle twinkle you’re a star, how I wonder what new car, I will buy with all the dough, we rake in from your one-baby show.” Hahaha! The BEST.

  4. You are so out of control – lol! I was cracking up reading this one. Your baby girl is so beautiful ( your son is as well ) and these pictures are so, so sweet! Kris Jenner better watch her hustle if you decide to step in to the game, haha!

  5. Maxwell did some modeling at this age. I spent more on outfits, carfare and parking for go-sees than we ever made on actual jobs. I was more freakied out by the parents who were in the waiting room treat-training their babies. (first mother comes out saying that they want the babies to raise their arms…bingo, the cheerios come out). I was so proud of Max for looking them straight in the eye and giving them an 18 month old’s emphatic NO! Maybe I should have worked on his abs more at Gymboree.

  6. Two words for you: Dance Mom. That show is how you’ll fill the in between years and pay for her rehab/therapy. I predict a comeback in her later years, perhaps a stint on Big Brother or Dancing With the Stars. Genius!

    I needed this laugh tonight! Love it! And Ms. “Khloe” is adorable beyond words!