I’m here (and there) for you.

You guys know I am totally here for you.  My posts are as raw as your nursing nipples, as transparent as those mesh “underwear” they send you home from the hospital in, and as real as that streak of poop on your shirt.

So I present you with three newborn lies I’ve heard recently that I just can’t let slide:

1. Lie:  Babies sleep 20 hours a day.

What we hear:  newborns are easy.

Truth: if by “a day” you mean, “in 48 hours” that sounds about right.  Also, 18 hours of that rest will be in your arms, which brings me to my next point.

 

2.  Lie: that exersauser/swing/playmat saved my life!

What we hear:  this contraption will buy you a luxurious hour to shower.

Truth: it will buy you exactly 8 minutes to wash your face, brush your teeth and pull a comb through your hair.  Just as you set your bread in the toaster the crying will resume.

 

Photo credit: bundlesofluv.ca

3.  Lie:  I threw little Maddox in that sling/carrier and brought him everywhere!

What we hear:  you will be able to get all your errands done in a timely manner — and even a pedicure — if you get this thing.

Truth:  after you get over the absolute certainty that you are suffocating your child, you will have spent $317 on eight different carriers, the best of which gets you through the line at the post office.

There you have it my friends.  Once again, breaking down the lies one by one and telling you all the details of this thing called motherhood.

As the title of this post suggests, I am also “there” for you – and today that’s over at Skinny Mom (no, it’s not a site for twigs, it’s for real moms trying to figure out how to balance life and kids), giving you the “skinny” on my blogging experience.

I implore you to stop by and leave your comment on my Skinny Mom interview.  Here’s hoping you see me in a different light (something bright and soft, not like the harsh spotlight I use over here).  I can’t wait to hear from you!

19 thoughts on “I’m here (and there) for you.

  1. Great post. I laughed out loud about the sling. I was so sure they were suffocating and they hated the Moby and half of the other ones. Cost me a fortune! Can’t wait to check out skinny!

  2. Awesome post – they need to hang this at OB offices – haha! How embarrassing that I actually fell for some of these before the toddler was born! Sigh…I think it’s partly that we want to believe it but the truth is SO much better. My son hated the swing and the sling but sleeping in my arms or if I carried him everywhere, he was just fine :) I loved your interview at Skinny Moms and left you a comment there as well. I didn’t know about that site so I’m excited to have a new one to check out!

  3. So glad to hear you are not a sling snob! I just figured I was not earthy or in tuned with my babies enough. Maybe I should eat some granola instead of these onion rings!

    • A carrier is pretty much the equivalent of a car seat in NYC (my car seat is something I’ve used about twice!) so I had to find one that worked, but it was so much more complicated than I ever expected. The market is just FLOODED with options – it’s so overwhelming. But I will say, once you find one you love it’s a big help (especially for the second kid).

  4. Yes, yes, yes!! Should be required reading – perhaps an appendix to the What to Expect books! I tried so many slings and all hurt my back (more of an issue for me than suffocation.) :-) Great post!

    • Could you imagine all this b!tching in the WTE books? I would love it. Carriers have come a LONG way in the past 18 months as far as the back support goes. Even the Baby Bjorn got on board by the time I had my second.

  5. How about the fact that my baby is an angel in the swing for my mother-in-law, loves the Baby Born “Air” carrier with my hubby, yet refuses anything by my arms for me? Four slings later and I am resigned to the fact that my God-given hip is it for me! 12 weeks old and already a brat!

    • Oh my god, how did I forget that?!? I had that exact experience! If I left the room or general vicinity he was an angel. Don’t worry, that goes away soon. After a few more months he’ll start to show his true colors even with other family members.

  6. My mom still tells me that those slings will make the babies “insides scrunch up” (whatever that means). And THANK YOU!! about the swing. It quickly became a toy carousel in our house, because nothing that breathed wanted anything to do with it. I kept wondering what was wrong with my kids.

    I love that you dispelled the “20 hours a day” myth. It is hard to explain to people who haven’t cared for a newborn.

  7. You had me truly laughing out loud. My exersaucer is presently a storage space for toys, my sling unused under the bed ( what a joke trying to figure out how to get that thing on with a screaming baby) and Max has woken up for the third time tonight and it’s only 9:30!
    You hit the nail on the head every time, love it.

    • Ha! My swing doubled as a clothes hamper – totally functional! Oh yes, here are your options for figuring out the sling — 1) attempt to figure it out while your baby is screaming its head off, which makes you nervous, sweaty and flustered or 2) attempt to figure it out while your baby is calm, and once you begin to put it in the sling move right on to #1. It’s a lose-lose.

  8. Oh no! And I had JUST convinced myself that all these things were true again! 6 weeks before baby #2 arrives…thanks for the reality check, and the laugh of course! Ha!

    • ok, truth? I had a much easier time with my second than my first. She (my second) would sleep in the swing, I toted her everywhere in one carrier or another, and she slept – not 20 hours – but maybe 12 that weren’t in my arms. I just don’t like to encourage the lies – better to be pleasantly surprised!

  9. This whole post rings so true! I bought one of those damn sling carrier things, and after my mom informed me, “Did you hear about the suffocation this week – a mom just walked out of Target…” I threw the puppy in the trash and tried to figure out how to carry two babies. Not to mention, I wasn’t smart enough to fold the thing in the first place, so it all worked out. The other day, I was incredibly stressed and hopped in the shower and my day brightened when I thought, “Remember when this was it? This was all the time you got in a day? Remember when you weren’t even always guaranteed this shower those first few months?” Man. Some things do get easier.

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