Hope Sucks

There’s a meme making the internet rounds that has given so many HOPE.  I’ve read many posts revealing a mother’s deepest wishes for their children and thought-provoking posts about identity in the confusing time of new motherhood.  They are heartwarming and inspiring.  This is not one of those.

I hope to stop chastising myself for potty training my son so young because 15 months later he is still dropping deuces in his Baby Bjorn plastic crapper.

I hope that one day when I decide to go to bed after midnight because I can’t pry myself away from Twitter, that my children will not conspire to wake up at 530am soaked in urine (yes, both of them).

I hope to stop sticking a diaper wipe deep in the recesses of my daughter’s vagina and coming up shit streaked.

I hope that I will stop saying, to no one in particular, that at 18-months my son knew every single letter of the alphabet, upper and lower case, along with a vocabulary of 80 words, and yet my daughter communicates in a series of clear and concise grunts.

(I hope to stop blaming myself for that.)

I hope that one day I can serve something more nutritious than cream cheese and my kids will eat it.

I hope that one day, when I’m at BlogHer and my husband texts me a picture of the kids having fun and laughing, I will not automatically think to myself “that dress hasn’t fit C in 3 months,” and “where did he even FIND that?”

I hope to go eight SECONDS on the computer without hearing “Mommy, mommy, mommymommymommymommymommy,” usually followed by a loud bang and crying.  But alas, we aren’t there yet and I should check on those little runts.

I hope there’s no blood on my new duvet.

22 thoughts on “Hope Sucks

  1. Oh yes, indeedy. I will take these hopes as well. My son talks a blue streak and Sadie was my grunter. I love how everyone says that boys are so much more behind girls in verbal skills. Not at my house, people.

    And I love cream cheese. A lot. Last night for dinner my kids had pistachios and sour cream.

  2. Love this post. It’s making me think more positively…like someday I hope my infant will not sleep only when in a vibrating bouncy chair. Someday, I hope that my hair will stop falling out and getting magically stuck in my baby’s butt crack. Someday, I hope not to have to be bitter at said infant while he sleeps away in his vibrating bouncy chair as I get up to pump at 3 a.m….oh screw it. Bah-humbug! This “hope” thing is really hard!

    • You’re ahead of me–back in the days that my falling-out hair was getting stuck in Mbot’s butcrack (and in Husbot’s, I have no idea how), I was so sleep-deprived that I lost not only my ability to project into the future but my sense of humor. The two are inexorably intertwined. I hope no other mothers will ever be as tired as I was! (but really, talk about a false hope…)

      • Sam – YES! I’m going to have to write a new post “Hope, the Infant Edition” Oh boy, I have been there and yes, those all pass in the first year (was that devastating or encouraging?)

        Betsy – that’s why it took me 2 years to start this blog!!

  3. I hope you know how much I adore your writing and your hopes! Yes to all and then some. And thank you for your reaction to your husband’s text – exactly what I would do. I hope someday to not even notice whatever bonehead thing he does ;-). Fabulous post!!

  4. I have to say, this is why I and probably many others love your blog Carinn! Keeping it real and being so unafraid to say the things we are all thinking and feeling at one time or another. The healthy food thing and more than 8 seconds on the computer are the 2 I can relate to the most right now – whew! I guess now you know why my blog sometimes goes days or even a week without getting updated. All this shall pass….right??? haha! Great post!

  5. Pingback: Hope 2012: Closing Ceremonies « Melanie Crutchfield

  6. Pingback: Go out of town, get rewarded with angel children | Welcome to the Motherhood

  7. Pingback: Go out of town, get rewarded with angel children | Welcome to the Motherhood

Leave a Reply