Baby Steps

I’m not over the horrors of Newtown.   I know none of us are.   But I want to get back to the funny.  To the mommy fodder that I need to get out on this blog.  Like the fact that both my kids love Rihanna’s song Diamonds, but how my daughter takes that love to another level.  While having her diaper changed Chloe loves to put the soles of her feet together in the air making a diamond shape with her legs.  This is usually my cue to start singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  Although in the past few days she’s demanded a mash-up that goes like this: Twinkle twinkle little star, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky / shine bright like a diamond, shine bright like a diamond, we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky.  Rihanna would be proud.

Or the fact that Chloe has new boots and she is obsessed.  She shows them to every single person who walks into the elevator.  Except when her little 21-month old mouth says “boots” it sounds like “beach.”  More than one person has asked me if she is excited about going on vacation.  “No, she’s saying ‘boots’,” I explain.  But today it got worse.  “Beach” takes on a new context when she adds her new favorite activity in her boots — jumping.  That word sounds awfully like “shtump-end” which between you and me translates to stupid.  So we’re on our way to school today and she’s screaming at the top of her lungs “STUPID BITCH!” as she does her little baby bunny hop along the sidewalk. Oh lordy, I hope this phase passes quickly.

These moments are adorable and sweet and hilarious to me as I am in the moment with my babies.  But when I sit down to write, I come back to the sadness.  I’m trying to find the funny again, to share my mommy stories without feeling disrespectful to those precious lives lost.  I try to convince myself that it’s ok to laugh and move on with our lives so long as we don’t lose the motivation to make changes.  So in between dances with my babies I take the time to sign petitions to ban semi-automatic weapons.  I wrote a piece for Mommyish on getting rid of toy guns, since you know what?  Those aren’t protected by the 2nd amendment.  I listen to discussions about mental illness and how we are getting it wrong, the ways we are getting it right, and the ways we need to help.

And I’ll try to make you smile again.  I’m not there yet.  I know you’re not either.  Baby steps.

15 thoughts on “Baby Steps

  1. My dad had a dog named Butch growing up + lived at the beach + had a speech impediment. Apparently, his family loved to have him talk about taking Bitch to the bitch…especially to the parish priest! Embrace it! It’s a story she’ll love to hear about and talk about when she’s older!

  2. This is a beautiful and perfect piece in my opinion Carinn, it’s totally how I’m feeling as well. No way we have fully recovered from the horrible tragedy at that school but I also feel we need to be able to move forward respectfully and it is ok to enjoy the happy, joyful moments we have right now. If anything, it should make us want to enjoy these moments with our children even more, the present moment is all we really have, nothing else is guaranteed. I love that Rhianna song as well by the way and am totally boot obsessed too so I’m loving the story about your cute little girl! Awesome post!

  3. I think I know just how you’re feeling: it’s impossible, living with little ones, not to laugh at these moments of hilarity. But then I end up feeling guilty afterward, like I should still be in mourning for everything that happened last Friday.

    A friend told me earlier this week: “You can never be sad enough to take away someone else’s sadness, but you can take action to try to prevent anyone from feeling that same type of sadness again.” So that’s what I’m trying to do – and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing too. Revel in my own kids, while trying to be proactive about moving our country in the direction I believe it needs to go.

    Thanks for making me smile today. :)

  4. I almost missed this today bc no naps and whatnot. I need to hear your words regardless of where they fall on the funny scale. And I want to hear more about those beach boots. Perfect little beach boots.

  5. My son is three. For a while when he was still two truck was, well, it started with an f. And yes, I will admit to sometimes, in the privacy of our home, asking him to say What the Truck. It’s just that…ok, I forgot that what he says at home and we giggle at will translate into “this is funny, I’ma say it at school.” Oops. (Also, there is some awful song played on the radio where the guy is saying dance dance dance dance but the uncut version, which my sister had on in her car says ass ass ass ass. Guess what the new song in our house is? Ugh.)

    And you’re right; we do need the funny. We have to find normalcy and humor even as we continue to be sad (that makes sense, right?) I will admit to feeling a little curious as to how new blog posts would be taken, especially funny ones.

    • You are cracking me up today! I am also guilty of asking her to repeat the really funny naughty stuff. This morning I was trying to get her to say jumping boots (aka stupid bitch) but she totally one upped me. She didn’t have the boots on so she said froggy jumping (which sounded like trucking stupid). I was rolling.

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