I enjoy seeing what the gang at WordPress serve up every day in their Daily Prompt and I found today’s particularly intriguing after the events of the past two days in my life.
You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.
My room is empty. There are no spiders, no airplanes, no clowns. All my fears lie within.
On Monday I received an email that, in part, fulfilled a pie-in-the-sky goal of mine. The email was a call to action: I had to write a piece revealing a complicated and personal issue. If you’ve ever read my blog or any of my freelance work you would probably think this is easy for me. I have revealed intimate details about my post-partum body, struggles with my identity, and my parenting challenges. For the most part you would be right in thinking this isn’t a big deal. I enjoy sharing my stories and I am comfortable putting myself out there for others to judge. This assignment, however, was different for one reason: the stakes were high in my mind.
What if I can’t make the piece come together?
This topic is trivial and unworthy of any attention.
I wish I had offered to write about X, Y, Z.
The writing is flat.
I’m all over the place.
I bit off more than I can chew.
I should just throw in the towel now.
This is terrible and I don’t know how to make it better.
I will be revealed as the worst writer ever.
She will regret ever giving me a shot.
I’m a fraud.
I will submit a piece that will never be published. This of course means I can never write again and I might as well pack up my computer and call it a life.
I could go on for hours but I think you get the picture. This should have been a really happy moment in my life, but as it morphed into reality from my dreams, it looked scary and distorted.
All my life I have been compelled, and encouraged, to shoot for the stars. I will not let fear stop me from pursuing my goals. Instead I charge at my dreams, full steam ahead. It’s the achieving them that always trips me up. The self-doubt paralyzes me. Regret overcomes me. I beg opportunities to come knocking, but once they are at the door I want to hide in a closet until they go away.
On this blog I often share the good things that are happening in my life. I share my accomplishments with pride and that’s all very real. What I don’t always share is the doubts, the fears, the struggles I have in getting there. If you think the world throws me no obstacles, you can rest assured I excel at throwing many a tire, tree branch, and boulder in front of me on the road I travel.
Trapped in a room with your greatest fear, describe what’s in the room.
Standing 5’4 with a slight frame, reddish-olive skin, brown eyes, and short brown hair. My greatest fear is just being me.