Of Course My Kids Are Perfect

I’ve been so busy running my mouth about writing and finding your identity in motherhood, not to mention the general mish-mosh stewing in my brain, that I haven’t said much about my kids lately.  You were beginning to think they were perfect, weren’t you?  Well, you’d almost be right.  They are preoccupied with their still-new-and-exciting Christmas toys, the cold weather is an invitation for all low energy activities, and my winter born children are far away from the half-birthday disequilibrium (as set forth by the amazing Louise Bates Ames) as possible.  It’s been as if my kids have transformed into real-life angels left over from the holiday season.

Until my daughter decided it was high time to raise some hell.

I don’t know if little C was just sick of the quiet or if she had been reading my blog and noticed she was not featured as prominently as her more challenging brother.  Either way, she decided to kick things into high gear this week.  “What’s high gear,” you ask?  “Where do I start?,” I respond.

1.  Coloring.  What’s wrong with this you might wonder.  Or maybe you had an ink-obsessed almost two-year-old of your own and you feel my pain.  She colors everywhere. And I’m not talking the walls  No, no!  Semi-gloss paint?  That would be too easy!  Mom could wipe that shit right off.  Instead, she prefers dry erase marker on grout, pen on leather couch, and crayon on wood.

Wood, as in, my husband’s guitar.

2.  Spinning.  No, she has no interest in the latest fitness craze, she is simply obsessed with running around in small circles to the point of fall-flat-on-your-face vertigo.  Her favorite places to practice include (but are not limited to): busy street corners where we are stopped waiting for the light, right in front of Gavin’s school where the administrators are currently taking notes on her admission worthiness, and Chipotle during peak dinner rush.  Have you ever noticed that the floors in all Chipotles are exposed concrete?  *shudders with horror*

3.  Dramatics.  I won’t call them tantrums because Chloe has far too much personality to sign up for the pedestrian terrible twos.  She’s just doing everything with a little more flair.  Like this sequence that captures her asking for an orange.  After throwing herself on the floor.

I need this orange NOOOOOW

 

I said now, so why is it still in my hand!?!?! Are you going to peel it by looking at it?

Orange you glad I am so darn bubbly and cute?

10 thoughts on “Of Course My Kids Are Perfect

  1. Oh, man. This was so my daughter too. Why be upset when you can be ::: jazz hands ::: UPSEEEEEEEEEEET!? Why dance at home when you can dance in public? Why color on the walls when there are so many other less ‘done’ available surfaces? Hang in there!

  2. Red leather sofa. Blue ink pen. Tan leather purse. Black Sharpie. I knows this well. My kids said early on, Oh, screw walls. Walls are sooooooo overdone and easily cleanable.

    When my daughter Zoe was five or so, she wrote a big Z on two oranges and a green apple with a purple Sharpie. You know, just in case anyone wanted to question who the rightful owner of the fruit on the table was. And she wrote an M (thankfully on the inside) of my Coach bag because she has her initials in her things so no one takes her stuff and Mommy’s purse sometimes has money in it, so I should “perfect” (protect) it. Hey, I did give her credit for being logical.

  3. Oh my goodness! This was almost like reading about my own little girl. Thankfully, she has yet to color on my husband’s guitar, but I know it’s only a matter of time. (I’m grateful for the head’s up on that one.) Good thing they’re so cute… :)

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