About Me

Carinn Jade is a lawyer, mother, writer and non-sleeper. Often funny, sorta crunchy, never idle mom to a five-year-old boy and three-year-old girl.  No topic is off-limits for an honest and respectful conversation.  Blogging about it all here.

Writing Around The Web

Published in the NY Times Motherlode:  I Want More Children; He Doesn’t

Personal blog post earned the distinction of “Freshly Pressed” by WordPress.com. This is an honor granted to nineteen essays out of over one million posts published per day: The Games We Play

Debate on Brain, Child: Baking The Perfect Cupcakes

Syndicated at iVillage: having a new motherhood identity crisis.

DailyWorth: We Need Better Paid Leave Policies In The U.S.

Mommyish features:

7 Non-Negotiable Truths In The Working Mom Vs. SAHM Wars

When Will I Find My Comfort Zone As A Mother?

I Was Pro-Life Until I Got Pregnant

-My feature on Mommyish - Winning, Penises & Girlfriends – What My Son Is Picking Up From Preschool (Not Charlie Sheen) inspired an entire segment on Huffington Post Live.  I was honored to participate in the intelligent, respectful, spirited debate of my piece.

Moonfrye features:

Welcome To Our Crazy Life

Three Generations Of Love

Books

The HerStories Project: Women Explore the Joy, Pain, and Power of Female Friendship

-Four of my essays were included in Holly Daze: Underachiever Extraordinaire and No Laughing Allowed, two blogging compilations by Life Well Blogged.  Each can be found on Amazon in paperback and Kindle**

No Laughing Allowed

 

You can also watch me in this sampling of Huffington Post Live segments:

Banned Words: are there words you don’t want your preschoolers to know?

Nice Gun Kid: should toy guns be part of Halloween costumes?

Happy (half) Hour: a recap of the week’s biggest news stories.

Debate: Should We Take The Holidays Down a Notch?

Want to know more?

I was a Poly Sci and Communications double major at Boston College.

I was a real estate finance lawyer in New York City and Los Angeles.

I was a yoga teacher at the amazing ISHTA Yoga.

I was a small business owner failure.

I was Vice President at a high yield debt fund.

I traded in six figures for sticky fingers, dirty diapers and lots of crying.  Clearly I prefer to get paid nothing for doing everything.  That’s when the writing began – as a way to maintain my sanity.

11 thoughts on “About Me

  1. “There is nothing about having more children that I don’t want. I long to be pregnant again. The experience of giving birth thrills me. I ache to provide nourishment through nursing and to witness wobbly first steps. From hearing the adorably poor grammar of toddlers to envisioning huge Thanksgiving dinners when the kids are home from college with friends, my dreams of having a big family are vivid and resolute. I will not give up.”

    I read your post in the NYT and was so struck by the above paragraph that I am compelled to respond, even though I am long past such tricky decisions. I could easily have written that myself. (FYI, there was no question in my mind that there would be a third child, despite some protest from my (then) husband). I LOVED being pregnant, LOVED nursing, well, simply loved all of those things that you enumerate above. Now that my children are grown, I truly do adore those Thanksgivings/Christmases, the house full and messy again…and even better, I love the experience of being a Mom again. My oldest and his wife are very happy to have a safe haven for their 2 year old, and will be leaving him with me for ten days (as they have in the past for shorter periods). You cannot imagine the sweetness of getting to do it all over again (alas, sans the incredible closeness of nursing)…the special songs that work instantly, rocking to sleep, the smiles upon wakening…when he says my name, I know that my whole life has led to just that point…

    All that said, the expense of raising a child in the world is truly terrifying, and the risk of the unknown is so high. It hasn’t been easy–my third child has had a very difficult road (so far happy ending, but one can never be sure).

    Best of luck in your mutual decision…soooo hard

    All the best

    Carol Guthrie

  2. Pingback: Family: Celebrating the little things.

  3. Warning….! Three children are TWICE as much work and worry as two. It’s not linear. It’s because you are pulled in so many directions at once. (Other moms of three, please weigh in.) To break a marriage in less than extreme circumstances is not fair to the two children you already have. There have to be a LOT of things wrong for children to be better off after divorce. (Other divorced moms, please weigh in.).

  4. I read your essay on wanting more children when your husband doesn’t as I searched the web for just that . . . someone who understands.
    My husband and I have been married for ten years and I could echo almost every word of your essay, with the minor changes that we live in suburbia and our daughters are 4 and 9.
    I have been having this struggle (internally and externally) for nearly five years, as I announced upon arrival to the post-partum unit, stitches still fresh, that I wasn’t done.
    I still feel the same.
    My husband has quietly protested. He rarely comes out and says he doesn’t want more until pushed. He will let me hope, think, plan, pray, consider and then tell me he just can’t prepare to go down the “baby road” again.
    I am so saddened to think that our family will not grow to what I had envisioned. And each time the argument comes to a boil, I back down, thinking I vowed to put him, us and our family before me.
    Then the thought creeps in: Didn’t he do the same???

    • Oh, you get it so completely. We are on the same page. For me, I have found it’s better to yell about it, to even say the word divorce, because that silence is devastating. It slowly destroys from the inside. I am sorry you are going through this too. I wish I had answers, but I only have empathy. Lots of it.

  5. I know exactly what you are feeling! My husband told me he wanted only 2 and I wanted 4. I just found out I am pregnant with our third and he is freaking out! I don’t know what to do! I would never hurt the baby, but he is miserable at the thought of another. For the first time in 10 years, I am actually thinking about divorce. This was a complete accident, but I believe that it happened for a reason. I know that my hormones are crazy right now, so please weigh in.

  6. I also found your blog post after a google search for “how to understand when your husband does not want anymore children”. We visited this sticky topic yet again tonight as we are moving next month. The thought of dragging bins of baby clothes and toys to another basement just to sit unused (again) just breaks my heart all over again. I’m nearing 35 and have an almost 4 yr old and a 5 1/2 yr old (boy and girl). I want one more child so badly it hurts. I think about it constantly. Thank you for your brutally honest post. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

  7. I am so happy to have found your blog! I am an architect, and unexpectedly decided to be a stay at home mom for my now 1 year old. I love it, but WOW, much hard than my ridiculously difficult former job! I have also started my own business (not yet sure if it will be a failure, but give it time LOL. I’ll keep you posted) and I just started blogging to help sort through my current identity crisis and to force me to go out and do things and in turn to do my hair. It’s really comforting to find someone who has gone through the same stages I’m going through! Thanks for your writing!

  8. Am I incorrect here? If you get divorced while pregnant, you may have to hand the newborn half the time over to your ex and his future girlfriend.
    If you are not pregnant and get divorced, you will only see your present children half the time. Divorce does not seem like an option when you are crazy about your kids. Please weigh in.

  9. Hi, i just read your article on the NY Times… the one about wanting more children.
    I found it because i’m currently in the same situation you were in back then (and maybe still are now?…)
    I just wanted to say Thank You. It’s reassuring to know that “it’s not just me” that feels like “she isn’t done yet” and that it’s ok to argue about it (we had a major row last night).
    Thank you! (that is all :-)