Amy Poehler: You Are Funny Sexy Cool

I aspire to be funny.  Occasionally I hit my mark.  Lately I’ve been too high on my soapbox to find the humor.  But my love for hysterical women never wanes.

My current girl crush is Amy Poehler.  In recent years she’s taken a back seat to my love for Tina Fey.  But I’m here to admit I was blind, dear Amy.  I first noticed you, along side my love Tina Fey, in the movie Baby Mama.  It felt like Good Will Hunting all over again.  I was blinded by the obvious and fell for the lead.  Like Ben, however, you are proving to be the shining star in my life.

I was blown away when I found your kick-ass website, Smart Girls at the Party, encouraging young women to “change the world by being yourself.”  I love seeing pictures of you and your two adorable little boys.  You made me laugh on Ellen.

Last night you were nominated for two Emmy awards, Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy and Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series for “Parks and Recreation,” demonstrating the depth of your wit and intelligence before you even arrived.  And then you showed up on the red carpet looking smoking HOT.  Nice work Amy.  What’s not to love?

I have to admit that part of my love for you is my compulsion to pick sides.  If a Team Arnett exists as a result of your split, putting an end to nine years of marriage, I shall be throwing eggs at them while wearing my Team Poehler t-shirt.  What nerve does he have getting so many spray tans?  And sporting a six-pack?  That’s where I draw the line.  I am in a full-fledged fight with your ex-husband.  I don’t care if you say the split is “amicable.”  You take the high road.  I’ll do your dirty work.  That’s just what people in love do.

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In case you missed it, last week on Mommyish I was proud of Pink AND Jessica Simpson and the world did not cease its rotation.

Pink Won’t Be Taunted Into A ‘Catfight’ With Miley Cyrus, Thanks For Trying

Jessica Simpson’s Baby Photos Are Adorably Boring

I also continued my celebration of National Yoga Month at Skinny Mom:

Yoga Poses To Practice With Your Toddler

I wanted a daughter so that must make me, my mother and my baby three generations of 1950s housewives

Gender selection is not a new concept.  There are old wives tales that date back to the beginning of time and span all countries from the Far East to the West.  From sexual positions and dietary considerations to consulting the alignment of the planets and stars, or the Chinese gender predictor – there are plenty of techniques to achieve the sex of your choice.  And they should all be taken with a grain (or a large heap) of salt.

You choose!  (results guaranteed in 50% of cases)

Not so if you go see Jeffrey Steinberg of the Fertility Institutes in Encino, California. In his lab, no part of the gender selection process is left to chance.  Fertilization takes place at the lab under controlled circumstances and the doctors get to work:

After fertilization and three days of incubation, an embryologist uses a laser to cut a hole through an embryo’s protective membrane and then picks out one of the eight cells. Fluorescent dyes allow the embryologist to see the chromosomes and determine whether the embryo is carrying the larger XX pair of chromosomes or the tinier XY. The remaining seven cells will go on to develop normally if the embryo is chosen and implanted in a client’s uterus.

What do you think?  Is this playing God or is it no more invasive than so many fertility procedures that have become common these days?

Whether or not you agree with the scientific technique, I take great issue with the slant of this article.  The author paints a picture of Americans of Caucasian, Chinese and Indian decent using gender selection in a way that solely perpetuates stereotypes.   If you want a girl, you will dress her in all pink and buy her every Barbie ever manufactured.  She will be passive, creative and gentle.  She will make the perfect homemaker.  If you want a boy, you will play sports with him and buy him the hottest new gaming device.  He will be dominant, smart and strong.  He will make the perfect provider.

The example used was this:

For Jennifer Merrill Thompson, the reasons were simple. “I’m not into sports. I’m not into violent games. I’m not into a lot of things boys represent and boys do,” she said. 

Ok, clearly she is generalizing, but she is one example, right?  Well, this was the conclusion drawn in the very next paragraph:

Interviews with several women from the forums at in-gender.com and genderdreaming.com yielded the same stories: a yearning for female bonding. Relationships with their own mothers that defined what kind of mother they wanted to be to a daughter. A desire to engage in stereotypical female activities that they thought would be impossible with a baby boy.

What?  How did we get to that last sentence?  It’s a huge leap from a “yearning for female bonding” to a “desire to engage in stereotypical female activities.”

When first trying to conceive, I myself yearned for a daughter.  I drew heavily from the bond I have with my own mother and very much wanted to continue that exchange with my hypothetical daughter.  However there is no pink in this picture.  My mother is a strong woman in every sense of the word.  She raised me to believe I could do anything I wanted.  I was a “tomboy” as a young child; playing, running, jumping, wearing hand-me-downs from my older male cousins and playing with their old matchbox cars.  Even as I got older and embraced my femininity, I still believed I had the strength – physical, mental and emotional – to match (and surpass) any male.  My daughter, in just her 18-months appears to be cut from the same cloth.   I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The daughter I’d always dreamed of

Gender preferences are normal and often reflect the relationships that molded us.  Our dreams of family are so intensely personal that they should not be judged or generalized.  If it was as simple as having a playmate to dress up with and pour some tea for, we’d all just have a wonderful doll collection.  At least they’d let you take a piss in peace.

Yet another reason to “not break the seal”

Anyone who has ever taken a pregnancy test knows to get the most accurate result the urine needs to collect in your bladder to absorb the most of the hormone that detects pregnancy.

And anyone who has ever enjoyed a long night of drinking knows that you should hold off your first bathroom trip as long as possible since subsequent trips will come sooner.

photo courtesy of cafepress.com

Well if you ever find yourself in Minnesota, you can do double duty.  Just wander over to the local pub with your $3 and your late period and take a pregnancy test in a bar.  That’s right.  Pub 500 in Mankato, MN is the first bar in the world to sell pregnancy tests and according to the mastermind, Jody Allen Crowe, founder of the nonprofit Healthy Brains for Children, the purpose is to prevent prenatal exposure to alcohol.

No word on whether UTI tests are next.  I like to get as much information as possible from every trip to the loo.

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Haven’t missed your period?  Well, you might have missed my other posts this week:

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Did you guys know Toronto is in another country?*

Just an hour flight from NYC and you can wind up in Canada.  How amazing is that?

Ian was in Toronto for the film festival (TIFF) last week and I was in a funk.  There have been lots of changes in our household and for the first time in my life my anxiety left me completely numb.  So Ian came to the rescue: a last minute cheap flight for me to join him.  It was the perfect fix.

Or at least it seemed to be.

Until I forgot that Toronto was a foreign country* and my phone didn’t have an international plan.  After a few painful conversations with Verizon, I gave up on trying to fix it.  I opted instead, to go without a phone.  It didn’t seem so bad until I realized everything that went with my smartphone; email, text, WordPress, Facebook, Google, pretty much everything I need to live short of oxygen.

Lecture me all day about the beauty and simplicity of being able to “unplug” but I’ll tell you complete withdrawal for 3 days was not the recipe for happiness; all it did was increase my feeling of isolation and pushed me farther into a funk.

So I did something crazy.  You know how they say idle hands are the devil’s workshop?  Well, he was feeling arts and crafty with a bottle of Manic Panic hair dye on this day.

My new hue – purple haze

What do you think?  Am I having a mid-life crisis?  Or just a normal FU reaction to leaving the corporate world?

* I didn’t actually forget Canada was another country, I did in fact bring my US Passport.  It just sounds funnier this way.

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WTTM Giuliana Rancic

Late last night when the news that the Rancic’s surrogate was in labor, I breathed a big sigh of relief.  Finally, a celebrity mother I could stomach!

This week has been full of some pretty grim “famous” baby “news”.

Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriend is pregnant.  Who?  How am I supposed to feel about that?  Good for you for realizing an 80-year-old might not be your best shot at having a family?

And as adorable as those McConaughey children are, Camila pregnant again with a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old only gives people an easy segue into “so Carinn, now that Chloe is 18-months, are you thinking about another?”  Another what?  Another glass of wine?  Sure.  Oh you meant another baby?  Only if you’ll take the two I have now.

It was honestly looking like I would have to put Snooki on a pedestal – no, not so she could reach the kitchen counter, a metaphorical pedestal – for tweeting that she “loves nursing [her] little man” four days into his life.  Or showing us how she’s grown spiritually since becoming a mother with this gem, “#BreastPump insteada #FistPump.”  The Huffington Post even congratulated her for being a vocal breastfeeder saying “at a time when women are constantly being shamed for breastfeeding in public, it’s important to many nursing moms that public figures endorse the practice.”  I was about to take a sip of the Kool-Aid myself when you broke me of the crazy spell with news of Rancic labor via Twitter.

So thank you G, for sharing every bit of your heartbreaking journey with us; from your struggles with infertility, your experiences with IVF, your gratitude for the gestational carrier willing to bring your baby into this world.  You are what Welcome to the Motherhood is all about – putting a face to our modern-day mama struggles and letting so many of us know we aren’t alone in the rollercoaster that is the journey of motherhood.

Finally, Edward Duke Rancic entered the world last night at 7lbs 4oz.  Welcome to the Motherhood Giuliana!  Enjoy the ride.

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